".forbidden sutra.
   .to releaase ur forbidden desires.
      .to explore the forbidden pleasures.
         .to indulge in this mystique forbidden night."
::] this is
::belinda * pei::
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::ex-ijtp::
::ex-nypian::
::sim-uol::

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*to*be*involved*with*the*most*forbidden*feelings*

the beautiful mistake*

   Tuesday, October 31, 2006
my bunch of funny ex-classmates...

meiyan: BEL! are u goin to andrew's bd today?!
me: huh?! i wasnt inform?
my: ya.. it was supposed to be by grapevine
me: siao ar! i jus finished sch?! dun wan lah.. who say one?!
my: TUCK LAH! at least adian's last min is 'on that day', tuck's is like
within the next 2hours!!
me: hahaha! wat difference is there to make?!

so i called tuck.. n discuss abit.. n this is wat he sms to EVERYONE!
(and is DAMN LONG LOR!)

'ok guys.. since abit last min n abit sudden n we cannot play until
very late.. we will not meet today... i have reschedule to fri nite..
programme will be 1. meet at 630pm at somerset mrt station.. have fish n co.
2. 830pm we will go ktv at cuppage center.. maybe at 1am we will catch a
movie.. after that free n easy.. if u have any enquires, pls call belinda
for ladies... guys call tucky.. but ladies, if u wan to call tucky, pls
go ahead n do so.. late commers will not be entertained. u can go entertain
urself.. pls cfm your attendance with tucky.. pls state ur reason for not
coming.. if reason unacceptable, then next gathering you will not be
notify... thanks.. have a nice day..'

hahahahahaha! n hong was like msnin me about tuck's stupid sms..

seriously, if u knoe kaituck.. u will laugh at almost all the
single shit he says... n the other time we were laughin at his NDP n his
superstar jokes.. wow lao..

n all the cheap ktv scenes he mention..
buey tahan.



i feel like vomittin after watchin fear factor, couple version?..
i swear in any kind of circumstances in there, I WILL BREAK UP!
even amazing race too. I MAY EVEN KILL MY PARTNER! haha..

ok, that is how much our love can withstand..

.
.
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.
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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the thickness of a satay stick.



   Monday, October 30, 2006
i like wat she said.

I've done a lot of things for men. I have worked for men and worked out for men. I have cooked for men, cleaned for men, dressed for men and undressed for men. I have been waxed, pedicured, and—God help me—platinum blonde for men. I have tried meditation, medication, tennis, chess, golf, poker, laser tag and escargot for men. I have relocated, reproduced and reinvented myself on more than one occasion for men. I have seen the films of Jackie Chan, read the poetry of Charles Bukowski and learned the finer points of the Indianapolis 500 for men. I have changed my plans for men, stuck to my guns for men, stood up for men and gone down for men. I have lived for men and I have lived in spite of them.

But somewhere between the snails and the childbirth, I got a little tired of trying to figure out exactly what it is that men want from women. The real question is, What do women want from men? It just so happens that I am an actual living, breathing, water-retaining member of the female species and have been for years. So allow me to throw out a few ideas…

--

but of coz.. the ideas she gave was like stupid.

i jus hope pple who looked at this piece of article will not jus generalise
ALL GIRLS OUT THERE.



   Sunday, October 29, 2006
Royston says:
actually i always wanted to say sorry to u..

?????.: The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide Is Press Coverage :.????? says:
for wat?

Royston says:
for not begin nice to u at tat time..
i mean when we r in a rs


after i hear all these.. all my anger for the past 4yrs plus? was like
all gone..
best part.. i dun even know wat makes me so angry abt him...

watever.. good chat.. so ya..

-

Top 100 Uni

and im in the uni that ranks 34.
NUS 36. NTU 72? cant remember?

and no wonder im sufferin now.

and this is from another website.. coz i cant find ver's sch..
(i copy n paste.. hence the stupid mess up alinment.)

Rank University Country
1 Harvard University US
2 Massachusetts Institute of Technology US
3 Cambridge University UK
4 Oxford University UK
5 Stanford University US
6 University of California, Berkeley US
7 Yale University US
8 California Institute of Technology US
9 Princeton University US
10 Ecole Polytechnique France

Rank University Country
11 Duke University US
11 London School of Economics UK
13 Imperial College London UK
14 Cornell University US
15 Beijing University China
16 Tokyo University Japan
17 University of California,San Francisco US
17 University of Chicago US
19 Melbourne University Australia
20 Columbia University US

n im at 11... no wonder im sufferin like crazy.


The scaling method used in preparing this league table had five components:

-CEQ (Course Experience Questionnaire) generic skills: 17.91% weighting
CEQ good teaching: 18.5%
CEQ overall satisfaction: 18.9%
-Students in full-time employment after they graduate: 11.48%
-Those that go on to full-time study: 10.29%
-Drop-out or attrition rates: 10.65%
-Student progress or pass rates: 12.26%

ver's sch rank 2nd.. no wonder both of us are sufferin.

Rank University Score
1 University of Wollongong 34.24
2 Australian Maritime College 30.79
3 University of Melbourne 29.93
4 Swinburne University of Technology 29.33
5 University of Queensland 28.73
6 Australian National University 26.95
7 University of New England 25.56
8 University of Canberra 24.25
9 University of Ballarat 24.08
10 University of Sydney 23.93
11 Murdoch University 23.49
12 University of Western Australia 23.42
13 Australian Catholic University 22.73
14 Monash University 22.16
15 La Trobe University 21.18
16 Macquarie University 19.96
17 Charles Sturt University 19.44
18 University of Technology, Sydney 18.72
19 Victoria University 18.65

Rank University Score
20 University of the Sunshine Coast 18.44
21 Deakin University 18.35
22 Griffith University 18.25
23 Edith Cowan University 17.91
24 Curtin University of Technology 17.45
25 University of Newcastle 16.31
26 Flinders University 16.02
27 University of Southern Queensland 15.39
28 Southern Cross University 14.83
29 RMIT 14.49
30 James Cook University 14.17
31 Queensland University of Technology 13.67
32 University of New South Wales 13.56
33 University of Western Sydney 12.85
34 University of Tasmania 12.00
35 Central Queensland University 11.49
36 University of Adelaide 10.54
37 University of South Australia 10.11
38 Charles Darwin University 9.05



   Saturday, October 28, 2006
ok. nothin much to update.

n i dunno why suddenly ver mention to me about this joke
about 'zoe, the disable bitch' is like, SO DAMN LONG AGO!

n we all related it to shin n that zoe. dun ask y. but
definately is not that zoe we are referrin to...

my eye is like so red.. im havin eye wax all the time..
n IS SO MUCH! like every half an hour, i have to check..

ok, i know is gross. but seriously, im havin fun removin it.
as in, pointed tissue, see mirror, pull down eye lid, dip
watever looks like the shit inside my eye..

to the extend, im doin it so often until im waitin for more..
ok, im sick.

n ver was like, ur eye is havin infection.. (but is jus a normal
red eye.. infact, is those pinkish color.. )

n guess wat? is the right eye today! i tink must be the tissue..
spread the infection over.



   Thursday, October 26, 2006
hahaha! well, my lecturer is also not bad too!
but there is no way i can record...

ignore the front part.. the funny part starts after the survey
collection.. HAHA. damn funny.

if you cant see the below than
click here




have a really long day today!

slept like 4am yesterday, woke up at 7am so that i can make it in time
to meet ver at 9am! worst. both of us are late.. reach SGH like god-knows-wat-time.

n best part, jus remove stitches, less than 1min, we are done. n we took like
3hours?! n we then went to jurong port to collect his pass. n it took us like 3hours!
gosh! is stupid! traffic there is SHIT!. dusty, polluted, all men. n guys there
looked at me like im some kind of prostitute out there waitin for business, even
though im with ver.

so we took cabs in the industrials that only cost like $2.5-2.6 the most?
sound so retarded. but ya.. no choice, afterall, im still a girl. n there's
a limited to my physical tolerance...

went to jurong east for our breakfast like 2pm?! rush down to sim lim square to get
a monitor.. n seriously, im very touched by all the small things ver
has done for me.

it was like heavy rain? n that stupid montior was so damn heavy? n the queue for the cab was SO LONG! so we might as well take a bus.. n the busstop is like so far
out of a sudden?! n there was no cab! n ver is like rushin to go sch at 7pm..

wow lao. bad day.
n it hurts me so much to see ver carry such heavy stuff yet there is nothin i
can do. moreover is MY STUFF. n is like rainin non stop..

so touched.

n he is MY GUY!



   Sunday, October 22, 2006
i love winston.

caught the guardian with ver at 12am..
gosh.. ended up cryin.. so paisei.. i tried to control!
is like 8below.. all the touchin touchin meaninful movies..

thank god we didnt watch sinkin japan.. somehow it looks like
some kind of transformers movie to me.. n saw3 is COMIN SOON!
is goin to start in US on 27oct.. (thanks to 'i still haven figure out
how his name is pronouced' caucasian fnd of mine.)

spore shld be startin at ard nov~ waitin.. waitin.. n ver was like
sayin, NO, we are not watchin.. ur so scare of the show.. wat for?!
(even though i know he will still go with me.. so.. HAHA!)

gosh.. honestly, is so mentally disturbin (for both saw n saw2) but
i seriously like movies that requires u to keep thinkin.. n i predict
that saw3 may be a damn nice cheapo production due to they dun have alot of
scenes i supposed? (since the guy had been cuffs in the toilet in 'saw2')
so, i believed, not much outside scenes..

aiya, no matter how cheapo, not as cheapo as world trade center..
other than the outside scenes, the rest of the 90% is jus the 2 guys
lying down in the dark..

n i told ver, i bet this is the best script the two actors actually got.
wat can be better than lyin down n jus memorise ur scripts with not much
acting needed? shit show. to think i was still havin high expectations..

thank god the guardian was good. though is like abit rush to end the movie..
but still, is fantastic.. though abit not enough to crave for more at the end..

n ashton kutcher is so yandao! im startin to like curvy muscle
guys.. n thank god ver has got nice shlders, arms, back n chest..
ok, practically, the whole body lah~~

haha.. ok, enough of the movies thingy...

ok.. have i mention abt ver's operated finger? gosh! is like
so ARGH.. so ugly n huge.

i loved my fndster layout. but i tink is laggin. ok, mayb i will
remove it soon.. n i like the idea of removin my fnd's list so that
other pple comin to my profile cant see it n disturb my fnds..

esp if they are MY guy FRIENDS to MY girl FRIENDS..
or worst, ver's army fnds...

remove practically everything! advertisments, fndster logo, even
BOOKMARK! so that pple dun come bookmarkin me...

n i thank xxxxx for the help! though i dunno how he did it.
but i will figure out the last part of makin it load faster.. otherwise,
i will jus change the layout..



   Monday, October 16, 2006
had a new tag.. coz the old one, i simply cant remember the password
n login!

nice tag.. like irc... but must tag every 100 days.. otherwise it will
be removed!

-

cut my hair. it is DAMN SHORT. i jus feel so damn bardy naked. suddenly,
i seems to have no hair.. i dun even know where i got that courage from.

watever.

-

oh ya, dunno wat happen, out of a sudden, my whole family was like
quarrellin~

is like, was arguin with my mum, n my mum to my dad, n my dad to my sis?
so ended up, EVERYONE WAS SO BARDY UPSET WITH ONE ANOTHER.

n mum cried, me cried. sis feels sad, dad too. winston in SHOCK. n branson in
his lala land.

n best fuck, my auntie the queen of ALL KAPOs, got to be so subjective n
assumin that im in the wrong. n she was like scoldin me,

'u know ur mum's temper. then give in to her (FUCK! WHO DOESNT KNOW THAT?!
I LIVED WITH HER?! HELLO?! I GIVE IN ALL THE TIME!)

i dun care abt your GUO FAMILY BUSINESS! (THEN GET THE FUCK KEEP UR OWN BUSINESS!
no wonder ur kids dun even bother abt u! n wats does it got to do with the GUOs?
like i wished for this surname?!)

u think i like to care?! she is MY SISTER?! (HELLO?! U DUN HAVE TO FOCUS ON THAT
WORD! SHE IS MY MOTHER!)

n PLS take care of my sister for me. (HELLLLOOOOOO?! i tink u better think more
for urself than my mum. no wonder ur kids cant even be bothered abt u.
n is WELL-KNOWN in the whole relatives how close my sis n i are with my mum!
not as if u dunno! so mind ur own business. no wonder even pau dun even like
u in the first meetin)'

fuck. i dun even know whether she knows the whole story or not!? n she
made all such subjective n bias conclusion on me. OH GREAT!

i miss my girls.

-

oh ya.. ver is goin for an operation tml mornin..
n he jus dun wan to come find me after sch. argh. =(



   Sunday, October 08, 2006
sociology

gosh...

studyin too much sociology makes me go crazy.
all the case studies on homosexual sex trade; to cult, to brainwashin
of pple, to drugs, to domestic violent, to suicide, n even psychology..

out of a sudden, i feel like damn enlighten~
to the extend, i dunno wat is 'real'?!
being subjective to objective, replacin all values n assumptions,
being skeptical, detach urself from the research.. no more common sense..

so when u do not have any more common-sense n values n assumptions.
i will ask u, what makes u a girl?
u might jus tell me physical appearance, skirt, some may even say,
i got breast n vulva..

but if u realised, that is not the answer. cause, WHO SAID IT?
and WHY is that so? how did the definition come about?

no wonder yixi was like tellin me, dun think so hard! when question comes,
jus try your best to find fault in it..
and come to think abt it, ya.. so true.

-

i think sociology is makin me go mad. im practically so
skeptical at ANY INFORMATION that i heard.

n was talkin to ver over the phone at dunno wat shit..
n there i was, UNKNOWINGLY, suspecting the article, askin, how
you know whether is this true?!

poor ver was like, cause is written in the newspaper? n that is wat
it says..

n there i was, u dun even know how this piece of info is collected,
wats the guidelines? u dun even know whether is it valid anot~

ver immediately was like, AHHH.. I DUNNO ALSO! i jus tell u wat i see
in the newspaper wat! i tink u study too much.

-

i bought a bag for 50. took me so long before buyin it. coz seriously,
i dunno whether is it even worth the price. but watever. i bought it.

best part, i dun even know when will i use it?

i got tons of things i wan to do.
- dye hair
- cut hair (is all the way to my butt!)
- clean the whole entire room!

-

watch me you n dupree (ok, somesort like that)
cant wait to watch the 911..

gosh.. cant believe im watchin this chinese imitation 'south park'
cartoon.

every sun at 830am.. (ya, i havent slp..)

i miss zhen. sher. n the usual. too much to list.
i miss ver as well. havent seen him for i dunno how long?

this test im having, seems as if like some kind of MAJOR PAPER.
the fact that, is actually a test with no contribution to any
final marking...

2chapters. took me a mth. n i have not finished! argh.



   Wednesday, October 04, 2006
rex is such a shithole!
ah. watever. he is not my bf.

had super great fun seein pau, gloria and SO MANY PPLE!!!!!
didnt take much photos though.. but it was really fun.

wasnt productive for the past 2days.. i cant believe i've
been slpin for the past 2 days!

thurs - movie.
fri - study sociology.
sat - study sociology.
sun - study sociology.
mon - study sociology.
tue - TEST ON SOCIOLOGY!

shit. i jus feel like crying!!! there's so much!!!!!!!



   Sunday, October 01, 2006
went to ice cold beer the other day with ver n fnds..

n i met xiqi over there! gosh. i can sense that ver was jealous.
VERY. he wants to know everytime my sms rings..

so i told him that im goin out to meet him for awhile.. wow lao..
the moment i saw him...

he used to be damn goodlooking... the trademark of his mega-watt smile
n features.. (ok, i mean, is still there) jus that, is all one size bigger.
n his christopher's bombin hairstyle.. wow lao. im totally speechless.

n best part, he is forever askin me am i still a virgin? (ya, he is
the guy who i dumped him becoz he 2time me.. to someone UGLIER THAN ME.
who allows him to screw..)

anywa, i seriously dunno why ver would even get jealous to some piece
of shit like this? ok, xiqi is nice lah. jus that, he needs some serious
makeover.

n his last sms which i assumed drove ver to have a 'internal breakdown'
when will i see you again? we didnt get to cuddle n kiss jus now,
u owe me 1, haha, ok for u, dare 4 it.


n i do not understand wat is, (ok for you, dare for it?) so in order
to give account on 'purely ex-gbf', i might as show him ALL THE MSGS i received
n sent back.


n he thinks ver is my suitor. *piak forehead*



she's got the balls


read

if it was me, i will NEVER use our joint acct to create a billboard.
is like, y use my money too when you are the one who cheats on me?
i will probably buy myself some landed property or car or watever
investment.. even if i know i wouldnt profit anything out of it..

guys... ah. they are ALL fuckin jerks.

which is sad that most girls are still very submissive even till now.
either, they cant lived w/o them (or rather, men's lies n sweet talkings)
or we are jus too blind to see the anything beyond it.

n basically, these are the types of men i came acrossed.

- the geeky one
which basically lives in his own world. either in his cyber world,
or his hobbies world, like orchestra. (n it made me tot of that sissy guy
i used to be with. GOD! WAT THE HELL WAS I TINKIN ABT!)


- the 2timer, abusive, addictive
his theory, life is short, do wat u enjoy no matter wat it takes.

these guys are the ones who practically got no brains in their head.
n when things get serious, the girl will be the one who gets the blame.

like, fuck lah! wat have i done to make u 'emotionally unstable?'
or they will come out some stupid story like, i got a lousy childhood!
i cannot control my behaviour! ya rite. psycho.

we girls shld give in to u.
ya shithole, u can suck my toes.


- the 'ah sia kia' (filthy rich spolit brat ah beng)
which basically lives in their stupid small black hondas with tons
of stickers all over.. n with luminious blue lights coming from within
the 'illegalise' black tinted windows. (not forgettin, their chio,
fuckable ah lians gf.. countesy by melvin)

(n of coz, xiqi was the exception one who rode a scrambler who is a
potential young bachelor, 2timed me jus becoz i refused to open my legs.
which i will tok abt it later)

they all have the same characteristic. (or at least, i have catergorise them)
gold chain, tattoo n piercin, branded stuff, smokes, only lives at nite,
and their forever, my brothers! (but of coz, trend changes overtime.)


- the 'MCP' swines / the 'bullshit' (talk-big)
which basically lives with one motto "ONLY I AM RIGHT- SO SHUT UP B*TCH!"
i bring the bacons home, u lived on me, so u DO wat i say.
yap. n if u realised, some guys still have such values in them. n unknowingly,
the wife will still do the housework willingly.

ah fuck, wake up. is the 21 century.

n i dun understand y girls have to be the one who cleans the house?
cooks for the family? n worry for all the bills n kids when girls nowadays
are workin as well?!

im lucky that i never have to touch those dirty laundry or fold my clothes,
cook my food, sweep or mop the floor.. i dun even do my bed!

(yap, quan is that jerk. n i feel like tellin her gf that he chose u becoz
i gave up the role of being his 'dutch maid'. thats is, if u get the joke. )

*i tink he fantasize of screwing a maid.

n not forgetting my colleague. he still owes me $90. n he only talks.
like any sporean will say,'tok big nia~ i also know! i dun have to pay'


- the 'lost' one
this one practically dunno what will happens even jus one yr down the
road. n all he wants is jus to have a gf during his lonely times n ease his
urge.

(eg, that stupid ABC guy who touches me almost everywhere, ANYWHERE if he could)
he is jus so different when we are schmates which later became couple.

n we are no longer in contact. THANK GOD! coz i 2timed him after 4mth later
n got attached to my muscleman


- the 'dunno what he wants either'
this one is someone who jus leads u like crazy.. n nothing happen eventually.
n throws his temper if u force him to think of a solution??

i like xiao zhu till now. mayb constantly decreasin over the stretch of 5yrs..
i get to see him on every tues class n i always sits with him durin lecture.

hmm. sad that nothin actually happens.. at least, i can still tell myself
that things jus didnt worked out.


- the 'darling'
thats verne.
unconditionally n accept the way i am, n goes to the extreme, jus to
make me happy.

(no matter wat shit i gave him.) such a buddha lah he..

he is a jerk only when argument arises.