".forbidden sutra.
   .to releaase ur forbidden desires.
      .to explore the forbidden pleasures.
         .to indulge in this mystique forbidden night."
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::sim-uol::

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*to*be*involved*with*the*most*forbidden*feelings*

the beautiful mistake*

   Monday, May 29, 2006
i tot i recovered. but im down on fever again.

argh. n i got to write a stupid compo like again?!

i blocked n deleted most of my friends in my msn.
there are friends in my fndster list that really are my friends,
BUT I CANT REMEMBER THEIR NAME n HOW I KNOW THEM?!

so there i am, deletin like mad...

tok out with ver yesterday. it was a 'i tink' a good tok.

anywa im havin a really bad headache. n bad fever again.



   Saturday, May 20, 2006
i dun even know wat im doin anymore.

a kinda lost. yap.. kinda lost without ver in a way.

we still met up after the breakup to watch over the hedge with him.
wrote him a email b4 that. i tot he n i will tok to out. who knows, we
didnt say anything. he didnt seem to wan to salvage either. so i dunno
whether i shld jus really give up.

i became really ill after few days of breakin down. went back with him after
the movie. was really to sick to make it home. felt sad that everything jus isnt
the same. though we are tgt, but i jus felt so cold from him.

he didnt seem to wan to tok to me. i dunno.. but thats how i felt. i tok n he answered.
not more, not less. cried when i woke up in the middle of the nite when he was sleepin.

but was still happy that he offered to buy me medicine to eat. still happy that
he still check on me in the mornin. still happy we have our private moments tgt
for the last time.

i only felt happier in the day.

sigh.

cant believe after so many days later im still cryin while typin this.

ah. im so sick now. that few days of cryin. n the cryin in the day, on n off..
my eyes are really red n swollen now.

havin a slight asthma, abit feverish, really bad cough, few days of flu, headache.


i miss him. n i dunno wat is he doin.
in a way, i tink im at the correct track i guess.

ok, mayb im lyin to myself.

i dun wan to tink anymore.



   Friday, May 19, 2006
exactly 1yr n 5mths n everything has ended.

i keep cryin like mad even after 2days later...



   Friday, May 12, 2006
watch lie with me with ver yesterday.. n we saw DANIEL! ok,
as well as debby, samantha n sharon..

the show is so literature.. is jus the girl go around screwin
everyone...

n ver was like askin me.. how come they actually show their private
parts so often?

n there i was, ur watchin a R21 show. not a M18 show.

-

was sleepin the whole day at ver's house.. n when i woke up.. is like
time to have dinner?~ KFC, pizza, rice, hokkien mee, horfun.. gosh..

im so full now.



   Thursday, May 11, 2006
shoes 1 Posted by Picasa


shoes 2 Posted by Picasa


these are the shoes ver bought for me jus now..

2 ninewest heels worthed a total of 300+. but lucky.. sales..
but also like not much a diff?

ah.

n we ate at crystal jade. (pls try their dessert.. the red bean ice thingy)

double ah.

n after which, he paid for my cab fare.

triple ah.


i felt damn bad makin he paid for so much stuff.. n remember the last
few blogs i mention that he went to ms selfridge n randomin bought me
2 accessories that i tried on..

n i dunno why does a bracelet n earrings cost so ex.. though is
damn nice.. but still. (ok, photo image not good.)

earrings Posted by Picasa


bracelet Posted by Picasa




if im earnin is still ok.. but is like, ah.

i felt real bad.

-

these were the photo taken at the hotel the other day i mention..

taken at marina mandarin hotel Posted by Picasa


messy room Posted by Picasa


taken at night Posted by Picasa


-

the bag my mum gave me before she left china.. (n ver said i looked auntie.)

YSL Posted by Picasa



this is the book i wan to recommend everyone.. PLS DUN BE MISLEAD BY THE TITLE.
is not all about sex. is abt how u shld see things as. from relationship, n
alot.. about both side communications..

is really good. i already recommend 3 pple.. n i wan ver to read some parts
why i was so unhappy n stuff..

mayb becoz the main author is not a medical doctor.. she is more like a
psychosexual therapist.. n deals more with psychology.. so yap..

pls read if u got the chance..


Sex for Dummies Posted by Picasa



-

oh ya, was watchin winfrey oprah, (ok, not sure the spellin) n they were
tokin abt cases on ethopia country women that was forced to get married at
a young age..

n when i say young, I MEAN, REALLY YOUNG.

there is this girl, who got married at 8, she was pregnant soon after that,
so obviously the baby in her got to come out some how~, n becoz of such age,
everything isnt fully matured n grown (coz bone structure is small), so
the girl's baby, so called get struck in her pelvis area, for 3-4 days
(for most cases).

n wats worst, they dun go hospital. n no injections n stuff. jus LABOUR!
n by the time the baby come out, they ALL DIE. (coz struck there for like days?!)

ok, anywa, the young mother will suffer from this uncontrolled bladder n waste
thingy.. so everywhere they go, if u look at the floor, they will leave trails
of their urine n waste.

n most cases 'infact, ALL CASES', the husband will throw them out of the hse
becoz they stinks. (fuck all guys.. than dun screw with young kids! sicko)
n worst, their own family, will abandon the young girls as well..

n got one case, this girl was locked in her own faeces n urine in this dark
no air room with no sun for 9years!

n when they found her, she was lack of vit D n E where the sun provides..


alot of damn sad cases... wat so nice about screwin girls that are as young as
8 yrs old?! even if im a guy, i cant get turn on by kids?! esp they are all
flat.. is jus pure sicko lah.

oh ya, tok so much, forgot to tell ur the name of it.. is called the
fistula? somesort like that.. go yahoo search n read more...

alot of sad cases... i learned so much~ like the other time i was tellin
abt this disorder abt looks.. gosh..

nice nice.. go watch her show too!


-

oh ya.. this is interesting...

check this out!



   Wednesday, May 10, 2006
im gettin really bored with my current life.
i practically live when ver ard.

i get all charged ONLY WITH HIM.
i goes out ONLY WITH HIM.
i step out of the house ONLY FOR HIM.
i wait by the phone ONLY FOR HIM.
i eat ONLY WHEN WITH HIM.

not one is at home. hse party anyone?

-

he came over after his dinner at home. it was like 945pm?!
n no one is at home. gosh. cant imagine if my dad happen to jus
pop out of nowhere..

my dad will really get paranoid n start screamin at him.

sigh. im very touched..

but when im in my 'sweetness'es', he said this.. tml im goin to the gym.. *argh*
i guess, if he didnt come today, i will have to see him all the way
till the weekend.

i try so hard to think of his better side, like, you see, the whole weekend
is yours! n later, you tot it was sweet, n here it comes again, i tink i
shall go gym on sat.

*NnnnnOOOOOOoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

i hate gym n any snooker games.

=(

-

10 Signs that a relationship is going downhill for guy.

1) You can fake the whole relationship until u found the ONE. n dump her away.
2) She hungry and lonely and ya out with ur fun activities.
3) You claims that ur mom wans u home for dinner, n meet your stinkin friends
after that, n in the mind, I HAVE MY LIFE TOO.
4) You dont kiss or hug her out of a sudden anymore.
5) You claims your busy to call, fine, wat about a SMS?
7) You forgot abt the happiness she brings when you're in your single life.
8) She complains the same thing over n over n OVER N OVERRRR AGAIN!
9) You gets real sick of her n u blame everything on her PMS. her fault.
10)N wat are you tryin to prove when you let her know other girls'
existance when YOU KNOW she DUN LIKE that PARTICULAR girl?

*im not referin to me.

(im not tokin abt 2timer. coz once a timer, ALWAYS A TIMER!)
ok, my english.


10 Signs that a relationship is going downhill for girls.


1) She no longers fake orgasm, she says out loud, U GOT A MICRO SIZE DICK!
2) You eat like a hungry ghost.
3) You just smell like COW DUNG.
4) Your jus not rich.
5) You got no time. but if u got money, it makes wonders.
6) Your bad manners all appears suddenly
7) just leave me alone. i got PMS.
8) just leave me alone. i got PMS.
9) just leave me alone. i got PMS.
10)Now i got cramps. lets break up.


-


10 Signs that a relationship is still going strong. (GIRLS)

1) She still get crazy over you.
2) She is possessive over you n any human being who has a pussy.
3) She calls n sms you almost EVERY SECOND!
4) She thinks of the stupidest thing to make you smile for a min.
5) She acts as if she dun care.
6) She choose to close both eyes when u do something wrong.
7) She still have sex with you.
8) She still brings you for every party in her schedule.
9) She is FOREVER AVAILABLE.
10) She treats you like a gigloo. n buys u stuff.



10 Signs that a relationship is still going strong. (GUYS)

1) He still get crazy over you.
2) He is possessive over you n any human being who has a penis.
3) He calls n sms you almost EVERY SECOND!
4) He thinks of the stupidest thing to make you smile for a min.
5) He acts as if he dun care. (ok, mayb is really true)
6) He choose to close both eyes when u do something wrong.
7) He still have sex with you.
8) He still brings you for every party in his schedule.
9) He is FOREVER AVAILABLE.
10) He treats you like a prostitute. i mean princess
n buys u stuff.



-


ok, my rubbish.

thank god we are still very much in love.
(even though we argue like never ending.)



   Saturday, May 06, 2006
i miss ver VERY BADLY

n he hasnt call me since afternoon.. ok, i know he is not in spore,
n is ex to call me... but still,

SEND ME A SMS LAH! argh.

-

i was invigilating yoke lin today durin the exams! ha!
than she was like, aye! y u here?! haha..

n i finally saw the new colleague.. gosh! he is like some kind of lawyer!
n everyone was like, u tok to him u will feel damn stress..

i seem to have jus came out of some police station after the exam..
coz he jus kept askin ur opinions n say, WHY? WHY DO YOU THINK THAT WAY?!
WHY~

such a very pressurisin convo..

ahhh~ *grab hair*

-

i karpo this from shin...

n since im DAMN BLOODLY BORED... so...

.
.

A is for age: 22

B is for booze of choice: hokkien mee? ha

C is for career: invigilator

D is for your dad's name: william

E is for essential items to bring to a party: cash?

F is for favourite song at the moment: the carpenters - yesterday once more

G is for favourite game: im still thinks FF8/9 n WC2/3 after for like 7-8yrs?! (i miss those days playin 24/7 with my sis for almost half a yr with the manual cheat book. HA!)

H is for home town: singapore

I is for instruments you play: lute n zither

J is for jam or jelly you like: im not into jams.. jellies are all fine.

K is for kids: not kids. baby like winston is cute.

L is for living arrangements: i partically live in 3 houses. my hse, my sis, ver's.

M is for mom's name: phyillis

N is for name of your crush: xiao zhu. my all time favourite. everyone knows.

O is for overnight hospital stays: 5/1/05

P is for phobias: BUTTERFLIES! abit hamsters, cats, roaches...

Q is for quotes you like: "sex is not everything, is MY ONLY THING."

R is for relationship that lasted the longest: a yr plus

S is for sexual preference: something that looks similiar like me.

T is for time you wake up: ANYTIME! like i woke up at 3am today..

U is for underwear: i dun wear. jus look at my msn. the words are so big. (NOBODY KNOWS I DUN WEAR UNDERWEAR)

V is for vegetables you love: cabbage. ladies finger. jus ANYTHIN but bittergourd

W is for weekend plans: ver. i got no life.

X is for x-rays you've had: teeth, chest

Y is for yummy food you make: i only know how to make sweet scramble eggs

Z is for zodiac sign: crap. (cancer)



   Friday, May 05, 2006
there are times when both side are ur good friends, n there
are jus some things u cant say.

in a way, u wan them to change, n yet u seem to make the other
party like the bad guy.

n wats worst, friends r jus friends. there is nothin called
real friends. once one side jus get nasty, misunderstandin will
occurred. n somehow, everything will jus turn nasty.

n the trend nowadays is like, there is nothin to explain.
n honestly, things jus get darker.

-

for me, i believe explaination from the closer pple. n
i expect them to clarify things to me as well.

as for those i really cant be bothered abt, i wouldnt do anythin.

-

im so gald that i got pauline. one good friend is really enough.
no matter how long we dun contact, we will still be able to be connected
back to where we left off.


im happy that i got my girls as well. though i felt kinda drift away,
which i really dunno wat happen.. guess work is really the main factor
of time consumin..

workin really drains all ur energy..

anywa, i always try to make it everytime there is any gatherings.
unless, im really tired or i jus got no money.

n now... after knowin my mum is goin to fork out like 30k for my
uni studies... it makes me realise that, i am really from a poor family.
i cannot afford to fail.

n at the moment, im seriously goin to a period of depression. well, i tink
i grow up alot.. now i know y gek always tell me that im lucky that i
dun have to worry abt my education fees when im in poly.. n ask me to study hard..

when she has to work earn for her own course..(n honestly, i
really dun understand wat the hell was she tokin abt..) n now,
i really think she was matured...


i really did alot of wrong choices..
i shld have started studin once i finish my poly.
i wasted 2yrs DOIN NOTHING AT ALL.

but if i didnt start workin here n there, i wouldnt know the importance
of a degree cert.

n i started off so late.. first, im a N level. one yr gone.
grad from poly. 2 yrs wasted.
grad form a nonbusiness. 1.5yrs wasted.

n by right, if nothin goes wrong, i will finish my degree by 21 - 22.
but now, is 26.

n im feelin damn jalat that im not even earnin any shit for myself
n my family.

n pau was jus tellin me is time for me to start plannin.
(like any others typical girls in spore)

i will get married by the age of 27.
i will have my first kid by 28.
i will have my 2nd kid b4 30.
n slowly, i will pick up n figure from there.


thats if, the fortune teller's prediction is wrong that i will get
shot gun by 24. (which is like 2more yrs?)

n verne is really my last guy. (which i hope is. but im quite 'pang dang'
so, i dun wan to say much.)

-

ah. i feel so demoralise now. i hope after i grad, the society dun come
tellin me that, nowadays, MASTERS STUDENTS ARE EVERYWHERE!

fuck. u will really see me open my legs in geyland.
ok, thats a joke.

im really gald i got verne n my mum.

my mum has never give me pressure.



   Thursday, May 04, 2006
got an exam invigilation goin on tomolo mornin..

n i got to wake ver up at 2am later... n i will have to slp after
wakin him up.. or rather, forcin myself to slp..

got to remind him to bring his passport.. n i tink i will forget..

wat a job.. he goes out of sea.. n i have no idea wat the hell he
was tellin me he was goin... so, watever...

-

ah. cramps. very bad cramps. n i feelin very fat.. the weighin scale
is gettin further away from me.. n im runnin away from the reality!

ha.. i used to see ver's with a muscular body, with a not so tally
tummy.. it was partically spare type!

2mths later.... i start to see his pacs...
im so amaze. and ya.. very proud of him.. i mean, appearance was never the
issue, but i get abit worried to see him so skinny from the side view..

n i dunno why, he makes me think that he is havin a slight anorexia.
he exercises like crazy. i hardly see him eat. n he 'imagines' he is
fat. n always tell him mum n me that im fat im fat..

im so not used to it. n i really perfer him alittle bit fatter..
but i better not say much.. otherwise, my darlin might
mistaken i care too much abt his appearance n say i hiam him..

dunno why, im missin him now.



ok, ver n i are so CRAZY ABT THIS for the past mth...
PLS WATCH IT!... (HG = hard gay)

is are the only ones i have with ENGLISH SUBTITLES..

n he always use his penis as some radar thingy..
hard gay~ hhooooooo~

YAHOO (WATCH THE WAY HE TAKE PHOTOS! HAHA!)


-

FATHER'S DAY


-

SAKURA


-

TOMY (this is damn funny!!)


part 2



-

SAY~ SAY~ SAY~!!!

funny huh?!

ya.. dun ask for more.. coz if the rest i cant understand..
i doubt anyone will understand either...



fri was damn fun!

i grab ver to get free milo at suntec.. n it was damn funny!
the process was really stupid.. but really fun lah!

cause there was nothin to do like any other weekend.. so i jus
came out of such stupid idea..

above 18
wear green
cut out the article
say, milo made in spore is your healthier choice.

n 1.5kg MILO! YA!

n we tot the queue was damn short. who knows.. we unknowingly queue for
an hour! (trust me, TIME PASSES DAMN FAST.)

ver n i still tot we queue for like 20mins? cause we jus walk n walk...

n there was this auntie behind us was like, wow~ so many pple.. from 9am
to 9pm.. mostly aunties n uncles.. where got youngsters?!

ver n i was like 'than wat are we?!'

it was really fun lah.. no sun, weather damn coolin.. (thank god) n it
was definately not tirin.. n we jus kept tokin like mad.. jokin.. playin
games..

anywa, when we reach the counter.. the auntie was like, so pls read the
slogan? ver n i was like, 'mumble mumble...'

n she was like, haha.. ok lah.. go lah..


20bucks worth of MILO! our victory prize? HA! really fun..
something added into our moments tgt..